Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
