Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Randomize
