I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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