you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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