I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
