i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
