I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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