That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
