OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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