Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize