Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
