I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
