i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
