I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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