I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize