i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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