Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
