I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.