True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.