i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae