Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
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Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.