Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
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You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY