I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week