put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
