How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
