the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
