I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
