Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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