She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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