We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?