Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
wakey wakey hands off snakey
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.