Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?