Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.