Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
