I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
