Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
