My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
