Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
