we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
