I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
