so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
