he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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