At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
