Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
