He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
