i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
