At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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