So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
