Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
