Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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