just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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