genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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