She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
