First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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