If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
