i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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