I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
don't judge my taste in strippers
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
