this beer tastes like vomit already
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
