can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
