Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
