about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
