Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
