I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He felt like a one man threesome
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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