yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
